Category Archives: Long distance marriage

A short reunion

Alhamdulilah, after 6 months apart, my husband and I were recently reunited for 2 and a half weeks. I am tempted by cliche to describe it as having been ‘blissful’. But despite obviously being very happy and grateful to see one another again, it is not a fitting word to describe the experience. What makes it decidedly ‘un blissful’ is that you are constantly aware that this offer is for a limited time only and very soon you will be thrust back into, what in comparison, feels like the single life.

I am also tempted to say that it gets easier but that’s not quite the truth either. Each reunion initiates a process of re-adaption in which you try to remember how to be a real life couple again. Both parties must reaccustom themselves to sharing all their time with another human being and when you are on ‘holiday’ it really is all your time. The knowledge that this short period of time together must sustain you both for at least another 6 months means that when you inevitably feel the need for your own space, you feel guilty.

To overcome this false shame and hold onto my sanity I lovingly recalled a common scene from when we lived together in Australia; me silently reading a book while he chuckled to himself on the other end of the lounge as he watched his weekly manga cartoon on his laptop. Recreating this scene in our hotel room felt like true indulgence and after we established that it was ok to have our own time, we rediscovered our rhythmn. Unfortunately, by the time that happened we had to part ways once more.

That brings me to the very worst part of such reunions which is of course their excruciatingly painful ends. Mine and my husband’s goodbye’s usually take place in foreign airports from which we return alone to our own countries. This time I was armed with the valuable knowledge that unless I mentally and spiritually prepared myself beforehand, I would definetly cry hysterically and once on the plane, break down in the arms of an unsuspecting stranger. I know this because that’s exactly what happened last time.

I prepared by making du’a and asking Allah for strength the night before then remembering Him through dhikr and reciting and reading the Qur’an to myself once I left my husband to enter the boarding gate. Alhamdulilah though I did do some serious crying, I managed to control myself enough that I avoided making a huge scene or involving bystanders. Considering the enormous amount of grief and despair I felt at that time, that is a huge achievement! Wallahi, it truly does feel as if a huge and vital part of your body has been forcibly removed from you leaving you completely alone and vulnerable.

 After becoming reacquainted with the beauty and intimacy of sharing your every day life with the one you love, it makes it that much harder to return to a life of sleeping alone and communicating with your partner through temperamental video calls where sometimes the only way I can tell it is him is by the colours of the blurry figure on the screen. So it doesn’t get easier but knowing what to expect does help you deal with it in a more effective way.

Upon my return to Australia, I awaited the heavy depression and sick feeling which sat in the pit of my stomach in the couple weeks immediately after the end of our last trip. But alhamdulilah apart from one much needed crying session the day I arrived home, I appear to have been spared. I think that is due in large part to the fact that I had many projects awaiting my attention when I returned which have kept me extremely busy. Unfortunately, my husband has also been extremely busy to the point we have had to delay applying for the Saudi marriage permission which we intended to do upon our return. I am doing my best to make sure we are at least ready to apply for a visa for him by Ramadan so that he may move here but without him being able to help it is unlikely even that will happen any time soon.

Please make du’a for us to make all this work easy on us and to be reunited permanently soon with the blessing of the Saudi government and his family inshaAllah. JazakAllah khair.

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The virgin post

Assalam aleikum everybody,

I hate firsts, so let’s just get this over and done with so we can all move on with our lives.

So, icebreaker. Hi everyone, I love life. Alhamdulilah.

Considering the trials my husband and I are facing in our efforts to do what is so easy for most- to simply live and start our lives together, some might think that it’s odd that I say that. But at this moment, I’m content with what Allah has decreed for me.

SubhanAllah it’s really amazing how as humans we adapt to situations, no matter how challenging or painful they may be. True, at first there is a period of resistance and you let your pain and suffering reign free. It’s a pity party at your house 7 days a week, 24 hours a day – why me? But then you realise, this situation is not likely to disappear for quite a long time and this behaviour will do nothing but destroy you. So gradually, you settle into these new, unwelcome circumstances and make peace with them.

I have made peace with the fact that insha’Allah until we are able to apply for marriage permission from his government and have it granted, my husband and I will be on 2 very different continents, with 8 hours time difference between us.

I have made peace with the fact it may take years.

I have made peace with the fact that his family and friends have no idea we are married and we can’t tell them until the government gives us the approval.

I have made peace with the fact that I will only be able to have a 2 minute conversation with him while he is at work, 5 days a week at most and that it will only be enough time to exchange pleasantries.

But alhamdulilah I have also made peace with the fact that on the day and a half that he has off work, we can speak on skype for a couple of, sometimes even a few hours. And his smile makes me forget how neglected I feel during the rest of the week.

And alhamdulilah I have made peace with the fact that although I have to wait another 6 months or so until I see him again, when I do see him insha’Allah it will be amazing. It will be in a country which is new to both of us and together we can explore and create happy memories.

I have made peace with the fact that once we get the approval, insha’Allah we will live in KSA indefinetly. I will leave all my friends, family and my country behind but insha’Allah I will take my Islam with me.  And at the end of the day, that’s all I really ask for.

“The one who has found Allah has found everything and the one who has lost Allah has lost everything.”

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