The virgin post

Assalam aleikum everybody,

I hate firsts, so let’s just get this over and done with so we can all move on with our lives.

So, icebreaker. Hi everyone, I love life. Alhamdulilah.

Considering the trials my husband and I are facing in our efforts to do what is so easy for most- to simply live and start our lives together, some might think that it’s odd that I say that. But at this moment, I’m content with what Allah has decreed for me.

SubhanAllah it’s really amazing how as humans we adapt to situations, no matter how challenging or painful they may be. True, at first there is a period of resistance and you let your pain and suffering reign free. It’s a pity party at your house 7 days a week, 24 hours a day – why me? But then you realise, this situation is not likely to disappear for quite a long time and this behaviour will do nothing but destroy you. So gradually, you settle into these new, unwelcome circumstances and make peace with them.

I have made peace with the fact that insha’Allah until we are able to apply for marriage permission from his government and have it granted, my husband and I will be on 2 very different continents, with 8 hours time difference between us.

I have made peace with the fact it may take years.

I have made peace with the fact that his family and friends have no idea we are married and we can’t tell them until the government gives us the approval.

I have made peace with the fact that I will only be able to have a 2 minute conversation with him while he is at work, 5 days a week at most and that it will only be enough time to exchange pleasantries.

But alhamdulilah I have also made peace with the fact that on the day and a half that he has off work, we can speak on skype for a couple of, sometimes even a few hours. And his smile makes me forget how neglected I feel during the rest of the week.

And alhamdulilah I have made peace with the fact that although I have to wait another 6 months or so until I see him again, when I do see him insha’Allah it will be amazing. It will be in a country which is new to both of us and together we can explore and create happy memories.

I have made peace with the fact that once we get the approval, insha’Allah we will live in KSA indefinetly. I will leave all my friends, family and my country behind but insha’Allah I will take my Islam with me.  And at the end of the day, that’s all I really ask for.

“The one who has found Allah has found everything and the one who has lost Allah has lost everything.”

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12 thoughts on “The virgin post

  1. ryan says:

    Peace on u woman

  2. Stacy says:

    Hi there. You may find this strange to hear but your words are inspiring to me right now. I left the man I plan to marry in Saudi Arabia 4 months ago and I think we both naively thought at the time that would be the full extent of our separation. Of course, his work has gotten so demanding that he can not leave and does not know when he will get the opportunity to do so. Like you and your husband, we may be apart for quite some time until we are both able to be reunited. The realisation is still very raw for me and I hope to obtain peace such as you have.

    • Hi Stacy,

      Alhamdulilah, I am glad to hear that I helped you in some way. Being away from your loved one is certainly not easy but it helps to remember that there will be good days and bad days. I wrote this on a good day obviously 🙂 but not long after that a spanner was thrown in the works and I was back to being depressed and frustrated and eventually accepting everything again. It’s a rollercoaster ride, that’s for sure!

      In my experience, the best thing to do is to remember that we could die at any time so we simply don’t have time to mope around too long because there are things to do and before you know it inshaAllah you are reunited with your man and experiencing all those amazingly heightened emotions that can only occur between 2 people who’ve spent a long period of time longing for each from different continents!

      Is your man a Saudi or an expat? I hope for your sake he is an expat simply so you can avoid the bureaucratic hell which all Saudi/non Saudi marriages face at some point!

      • Stacy says:

        He is an expat (USA) so you are right, that does make things easier in Saudi at least. Not sure how easy it will be to get married anyway, like you I am Australian and it appears marriage laws between any nationalities can take some work. I am ok with the work tho, its the waiting that is killing me. Men are truly better at it than us women, or at least know how to hide it better :).

  3. Alexandra says:

    So happy to have found your site! Will be checking often! =)

  4. tety says:

    hi your problem the seem my problem,i have been marriage with Saudi man but until now we did not live together i still wait for tasreeh.we hope the time its coming,we love each other,we hope we will be happy forever…

    • D says:

      Hi Tety, if you love your husband and he is a good man – don’t give up. Trust me, just be patient and it will happen inshaAllah, there are ways 🙂

  5. tety says:

    hi…thank you for your advice,i’m so happy to found this site.its makes me strong,i will be patient always i will wait him……inshaAllah wee will be happy…

  6. tety says:

    hi guys…. sorry i want to ask something,absolutely I’m from Indonesia but now i work here in Saudi Arabia in dental clinic already 4 years but i can’t meet with my husband here because we are afraid we just wait for Saudi approval any solution for me so i can live together with him we are already married under Islam in my country 2years ago…we just contact by phone and internet,now already 9 month we did not see each other what must I do now any solution for me….? thanks

    • tety says:

      Waalaikum Salam..Hi thank you for your advice to support me,i will never give up until i get success,Insya allah i will be with him son i hope so…..

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